When the Oppressed become the Oppressors

Let’s please be honest. If I am a healthy happy gay man there is no rational nexus between my decision to pursue a life as a gay man and another person’s decision to pursue change through faith or therapy. So why are so many gay men so viscerally livid at the thought of another man making and living out that decision? Because of the path that the gay man took to get to where he is. With a few rare exceptions any early adolescent who realizes he is gay is going to wish it were otherwise. Life is complicated enough without being different and no young person hates anything worse than being different. So most young people will go through a period of trying to change. They will try mental discipline. They will try praying away the gay. They will try pastoral counseling. They will try heterosexual sex. Based on a recent study this works for about 60% of the adolescent boys who do this in part because sexuality in early adolescence is quite fluid. However, when none of this works, they draw a logical conclusion. I was born this way and I can’t change. There is something called the natural fallacy. If it is natural it is good. O course just because an urge is natural doesn’t mean it is good whether by good we mean moral, healthy, or beneficial to society. I may have an urge to take my neighbor’s life or car or home but that doesn’t make it good no matter how natural it is. But most people operate under the natural fallacy and so the young man who has “tried everything” and finds he has not changed applies the natural fallacy and thus he gives himself permission to ignore 1700 years of Western Civilization and conclude that his homosexuality is a good thing since it is “natural” and inborn. The problem is Reparative Therapists and many men who have benefited from RT say it isn’t inborn and it can be reversed. If that is true, it isn’t inborn and it can be reversed, then suddenly the loose logical structure which allowed him to abandon any teaching or intuition that homosexual sexual acts were not morally “good” collapses and he must reexamine his own philosophical foundations upon which he is basing his very way of life. This produces one of two responses. Deep introspection from which he may decide any one of a number of life directions, or a juvenile temper tantrum of hate spewed anger at anyone who would suggest that his metaphysical foundation for his moral house of cards is false. That hate filled tantrum is becoming an all out war on the right of self determination, self actualization, religious liberty, and rights of conscience as gay rights groups seek to ban Reparative Therapy for men who want access to it. http://time.com/2907989/bornperfect-gay-conversion-reparative-therapy/ The refrain I would like to begin repeating to the gays who object to Reparative therapy is, “If you don’t believe in it then don’t use it, otherwise leave the other men who do use it alone.” It remans to see what manor of carnage the gay lobby and their fellow travelers in the media will do to several hundred years of the development of individual rights and autonomy but the coercive nature of the laws being proposed indicates that the gay lobby has more in common with their inquisitional medieval counter parts imposing their version of orthodoxy of thinking and behavior than they do with any liberation movement.

The Gold in the Shadow

I learned, mostly through a revelation of God’s love for me, why God doesn’t “zap” people and allow us to “pray away the gay.” God gave me a gift which was a deep love of men and a capacity to minister to men who were broken with deep empathy and tenderness. It was built into my character. Into my genes. God meant it for good. But I have an enemy who knew the power of that and God allowed Him to sift me, to bring suffering which distorted that gift for a time and caused me to have deep neediness around other males and to take from them instead of give.

When the gift was restored in me it was like a new birth and the gift was not merely a natural inclination, it was truly a spiritual gifting as well. Now my spirit soul and body, all were united in giving and restoring broken and wounded men instead of using exploiting and sexualizing them. Everything that made me vulnerable to ssa was a gift and every tough experience that grew out of my seeming differences from other boys and young men was a gift too, because I now know that my wounds and pain were oddly similar to those of men who had truly good dads and good moms and I have used all of it, every instance of rejection or pain or humiliation to enrich the lives of others and to enrich my own capacity to give love, healing and blessing and to receive love, healing and blessing.

I wouldn’t change any of it. It couldn’t take the risk. How could I knowing without all that I wouldn’t be me and I have grown to love and appreciate the me I have become flaws and all. Yesterday I sat across from a dear friend and spoke a truth into his life, that he was of infinite worth, that he deserved to be loved just because, that he didn’t have to earn love and he didn’t have to be perfect to be loved. A few years ago I couldn’t have done that because I didn’t believe it or know it myself. I am who I am and where I am because of everything God has allowed in my life and the destination has been worth the ride, and the ride isn’t even over yet.